neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
