Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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