what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
