I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
