Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
