She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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