Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
