She's JV to your varsity
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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