Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
