Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
