Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
