I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
