In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
