Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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