I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
