I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
