i would punch a child for taco bell
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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