it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
