you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
