lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
