Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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