I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
