I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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