i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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