Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
