I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
