Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
