How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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