ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
