i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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