I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
