my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The feeling are messing with the penis
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
