Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
