When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
