guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
