I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
