So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
