I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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