"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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