drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
