Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
