the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
