Swine flu is the new snow day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
