he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
