Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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