I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
