just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
