i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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