She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i drank out of a bidet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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