ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
