Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
